Cold sweat and I can barely see
I'm still laying here in my jeans
I try to force myself to feel nothing
Maybe then I can go back to sleep
You cut me out of the picture but you've got tape behind your back
So you slipped me into your pocket
But told everyone else I'm out with the trash
Oh please forgive me
For all of my bleeding
Is making a mess right before your big party
And I should be sorry
That you cut me open
And all of this red won't appeal to your house guests
They say pick your battles this time you chose wrong
And I'll make sure everyone knows you're a fraud
I'm not something you get to just throw away
And now you'll regret this every fucking day
I don't even need to say your name you're the
Patron saint of liars and fakes and I
Am disappointed in myself for thinking that maybe I wasn't the same
You used me like you used them
Motherfucker it happened again
You played me like a game and I'm not sorry to say
That this time you're not gonna win
Oh please forgive me
For all of my bleeding
Is making a mess right before your big party
And I should be sorry
That you cut me open
And all of this red won't appeal to your house guests
They say pick your battles this time you chose wrong
And I'll make sure everyone knows you're a fraud
I'm not something you get to just throw away
And now you'll regret this every fucking day
There's been plenty of times
That I have been wrong
But at least I have the guts to admit my faults
You laughed in my face
When I was in pain
And the look in your eyes I could not even name
It was vacant and cold and it didn't look human
An empty and shallow excuse for emotion
So go hide your face and tell yourself that it's fine
'Cause I know that you know that this time I'm right
Today marks the end of daylight savings time
But I don't think that's why
I feel so strange tonight
Could it be the distant fog in my headlights as I drive
Down these empty streets to your house for what I hope is the final time and
It always hurts to lose a friend
Especially one so close
But it hurts more to question my self worth so this has to be all she wrote
I'll give you all of your things back
And you'll give me all of mine
And I'll wonder how much you really mean it
When you tell me goodnight
Here I am
Standing on the edge of a cliff
And the fear grows inside me as I start to slip
In what could be my final moment you won't give me your hand
Instead you look me in the eyes and say
Say that you understand
Today marks the end of daylight savings time
But I'm still not alright
And you're pretending that you're fine
'Cause I've shown you all my scars and sores
And you've shown me yours before
But new injuries you hide from me
Like you don't trust me anymore
I don't know what I did
To make you so different
I don't know if you think you're better off this way
I know I can't take back all the hate that I sent
But you can't have me back if you send me away
I can't help but feel like I should have tried a little harder
To be there for you when we first met
And I will die on the hill that I do not love you
But we both know liars deserve what they get
Here I am
Standing on the edge of a cliff
And the fear grows inside me as I start to slip
In what could be my final moment you won't give me your hand
Instead you look me in the eyes and say
Say that you understand
Well you don't understand
No you don't understand
You don't understand
You don't understand
I wish I hadn't come over and met all of your friends
It's like you're Hearst and I'm Welles and I can never show my face again
But if that's how it goes I'll be the one whose name remains
And these words will be remembered while you're just their Charles Kane
You thought I was just fiendin'
And I was but not for that
I'm sorry I lied to you
I know you saw right through it
I wanted so much more from this than all that I let on
I should've been more up front
But what is done is done
I wish I didn't regret
Ever calling you a friend
I tried to patch this up
No matter what
It's not enough
I wish you hadn't risked a chance on me
I gave you warnings that you didn't heed
I expected more from you but now I see that was foolish of me
That was so foolish of me
That was so foolish of me
That was so foolish of me
I'm more than happy to
Share the blame with you
But you can't pin this all on me as if you did nothing wrong
You thought that this was fine
Either that or you lied
But I hope you're overcome with guilt every time I cross your mind
This shouldn't have been more
Than just a pebble in my ocean just some
Ripples that would spread out into nothing if not lust
But you must've had some kind of hand in my
Universe's scheme
Because it feels as if without warning the moon was thrust into my sea
And now I know why I feel this way
Didn't think you'd be the one to blame
We both gambled while odds were unsteady
And although you won everything else you lost me
You lost me
You lost me
I wish I didn't regret
Ever calling you a friend
I tried to patch this up
No matter what it's not enough
I wish you hadn't risked a chance on me
I gave you warnings that you didn't heed
I expected more from you but now I see that was foolish of me
That was so foolish of me
That was so foolish of me
And although you won everything else you lost me
I didn't know how it would feel
To get stuck
That is until
I got stuck
I've never known how to make the best of
A shitty situation
But here I am
Stuck in a shitty situation
And I don't know
How to make any more money without
Sacrificing more things that make me
Feel like myself
And the last thing I want
Is to feel like I'm not the person I wanna be
But that's how I've been feeling
And will some
Kind of love
Make me feel any better
When I know
All I wanna do is leave and
Attaching myself to somebody will
Have to end in tears or worse
The lingering guilt I'll have to feel from
Letting someone down
Again
You can only be content
Spending time with just yourself
For so long
Then one day it'll hit you that
Every single day you're dying
And fast
Or slow
Well we're
All gonna go eventually
And there's nothing you can do so you
Might as well try to do something
Great
Didn't wanna talk about this with anybody
But I guess it's time that I air my dirty laundry
For everyone who loves me
Or otherwise to see
It's time I realize that I have a
Not so little problem with jealousy
I like to think that I know what is best for me
So when I do shit like this it's just embarrassing
And I know that how I feel is my fault
'Cause stupid as it was
I was still in full control
And I've been starting to feel
A little self destructive
Like it'd be better to just feel numb
And I'll admit that I was starting to have doubts
But the fact of the matter's
This is something I don't get to be upset about
I didn't wanna talk about this with anybody
But I guess it's time that I air my dirty laundry
For everyone who loves me
Or otherwise to see
It's time I realize that I have a
Not so little problem with jealousy
And I didn't wanna talk about this with anybody
But I guess it's time that I air my dirty laundry and
I'll admit that I was starting to have doubts
But the fact of the matter's
This is something I don't get to be upset about
No this is something I don't get to be upset about
I'd be lying to say
I didn't see this coming
'Cause you really had no way of knowing
If I'd even really be
Around for you
To see this through and
The truth is that you deserve better than me
But I think that's why I caught myself hoping
That you would settle
And we'd find out for ourselves
But the fact of the matter's
This is something I don't get to be upset about
And I didn't fall in love
But I can't help but just think how
All of this could've been different
And you and I could've worked out
But I did this to myself
And it's not fair to sit around
And act like I am not the problem
When I know what it's about
I didn't wanna talk about this with anybody
But I guess it's time that I air my dirty laundry
For everyone who loves me
Or otherwise to see
It's time I realize that I have a
Not so little problem with jealousy
And I didn't wanna talk about this with anybody
But I guess it's time that I air my dirty laundry and
I'll admit that I was starting to have doubts
But the fact of the matter's
This is something I don't get to be upset about
No this is something I don't get to be upset about
about
**ANY PROCEEDS EARNED FROM THE BANDCAMP RELEASE OF THIS EP WILL GO DIRECTLY TO CHICAGO BOND**
BLM
ACAB
credits
released August 14, 2020
Bass, Guitars, Trombone, Vocals: Maude Stout
Drums: Dylan Fritz
Recorded, Mixed, Mastered: Adam Gay
Euphonium: Tommy Sullivan (We're All Gonna Die)
Guest Vocals: Jeannine Garland (Hey Moon), Cori Kunda (Full Send), Rocco Sabatino (Nancy Wheeler, Pt. 2)
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